Oh Crap Dude, I have OCD

 I bought this Mountain Dew today because I was also buying a book. The guy who checked me out pissed me off. 

Also everyone was driving really crazy today. Also I was singing in my car and I was scared everyone could hear me but my windows were rolled up. Also 

Also 

Also 

Also 

Just kidding nothing really goes on with me these days. Which is cool, because I used to do too much in one day and I used to smoke too much weed, but now I don't smoke any. I used to drink like 4-5 cups of coffee a day, but now I have a hard time drinking one. Also I used to keep my room really clean but now there's dried grains of rice and pretzel shrapnel on my rug. I have a rug on top of a carpet. As in, my room is carpeted but I bought a rug. Psycho. 

Also this Mountain Dew expires on July 19, which makes me wonder if I've ever drank expired soda before. I never knew it had an expiration date. I used to get soda from vending machines a lot, I wonder if they were all fresh. What happens when it expires. Does it lose its joie de vivre? 

God, my room's a mess. Okay, but if you came in, you wouldn't think it's a mess at all. I'm just that clean. I have OCD where I'll be reading-- reading for like a good 10- 15 minutes-- and then I'll see the coke can, the glass of water, my Juul and a roll of toilet paper on my side table and I'll think God dammit they're not in the right order. As if there is a right order, but actually there is, but you don't always know it. So then you're just rearranging things on your side table (made of glass) until it all just feels right. But then you'll start reading again and you hope you actually did get it right. Like you hope things are actually in a harmonious, cooperative place, but maybe you just stopped organizing them because you got tired, but you know you didn't and you know it's fine but once you start you can't stop. And then you think about the other tiny things in your room that aren't perfectly straight. 

I used to not be like that so much, but I think it's because I spent so much time cleaning my room, so my urge to control and organize things was under control. But now it's out of control, but I'm sure if I ever told a therapist I had OCD they would make me do the very thing I'm doing now (not obsessively cleaning). But if I had a therapist I would probably never mention my OCD because I think I don't have it, but I Googled it and I definitely have it. I mean I know I have it, I knew I had it when I Googled it, but I just wanted to it to say that I alone was maintaining a lost, but very important practice of...I don't know making sure a pair of tweezers is in perfect alignment with a packet of Post-It notes? I don't know, like I'm tending to my things like you tend to a rock garden maybe? 

But then again...why do I have so many things? And why are they all out? No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. 

Also I wish I hadn't told you all that because now I want to clean, but I can hear you saying, "Aw c'mon," so I won't but I wish you'd JUST LET ME CLEAN MY ALREADY CLEAN ROOM. But you're right. I am still fine though. 

GOD DAMMIT WHY'D YOU ASK ME ABOUT MY ROOM? NO NO I DON'T THINK YOU'RE MESSY. I--okay, I'm sorry. You're right. No, no, I don't want to come over, I'll be alright. Yeah no, man, I'm sure I'm good. Yeah, yeah I have a new book to read and some Mountain Dew to drink I'm good. 

Hey, thanks for the talk. You're a really good friend. But you should break up with your girlfriend. She won't wear your band shirt, like...is she embarrassed to be with the band?